Growing up with a toxic parent - Aaliyah Choi

Meet AAliyah Choi - @thatcystergirl (on all social media handles) + podcast "That Cyster Girl".'

Hey everyone,

How many of us had toxic parents growing up? I know I did. But let's talk about how they have shaped us to be parents and how we can do better at parenting than they did for us.

Like I said before, speaking about growing up in a home with a toxic parent(s) is such a hard conversation to have already.

But I feel this is an important topic to be addressed.

But, why? Well for one, if we don't address the elephant in the room, then we are prone to continue that vicious cycle with our children. Some can't rise above the pain because that is all they know, and it is unfortunate to hear the defeat that we carry.

What if I told you that you could actually do better than your parents.

Well, let me tell you the ways.

For starters, you should heal those wounds. I can not stress the importance of healing yourself. I know healing will take time and it may require therapy. I sought out help during my pregnancy. To be honest, the majority of my issues came from my childhood. One of the main issues was postpartum setting in during my pregnancy. (Yes, postpartum means after. But what some people don't realize is, it can start presenting itself during pregnancy). Now with that out the way, one thing my therapist helped me realize was that the things I went through were not my fault.

She recommended that I would work on my confidence in myself. She wanted me to see that I was better than what I experienced as a child. She gave me tools to take home to apply to life. The main one was to remind myself I was doing my best. Another thing she outlined was to make sure that I had a good support circle within my friends. We need to have a safe net of friend(s) to rely on for those moments when you need support.

Once you start working on healing, the next thing you should consider doing is clearing house. What I mean by cleaning house is removing people out of your life, especially if they don't serve you a purpose. You don't have to move away (But if you want to, go for it). We can't take everyone with us. That also includes confronting those who have hurt you (your parent(s).

I know this might be a hard step to do, but you can gradually build yourself up to it. Even when you don't see yourself speaking about the issues with your parent(s). It's important to write it out and get it out of your system.

Yay! You made it to the end.

Although there are so many tips to share, I think what I have listed above is a good start.

Detoxing yourself from a toxic parent(s) is a tough task - but remember you are not your parent(s).

They made their choices and that is the past.

You can rise above it and break the generational curse.

Having a toxic parent(s) is something we can't change - but we can definitely do better at how we raise our kids.

For my women out there who don't have kids, you can use those tips above to help improve yourself.

Hang there mamma!