Keeping the romance alive after kids (or before) - Tiara Thomas

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Keeping the romance alive after kids (or before)

Kids are awake, time to grind. It’s so easy to get caught in the cycle of routine with kids and completely forget about your love life.

Although your partner may seem okay with how little attention he or she gets versus the immense energy you put into the kids, I guarantee you, they are suffering more than you realize.

Here are some ways to keep your relationship going after having kids.

1. Make time for him

It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the day. You can forget to even speak to you mate. At times, my husband and I can go all day and only talk about the kids.

Try to take some time out for just you and your partner. Even if it is only for 5 minutes to say “I love you” or to share a long embrace. We have all heard it said that dating doesn’t stop once you become married.

Discuss with your support system (grandparents, friends, trusted babysitter) a specific day of the week for them to watch the kids so that you and your spouse can spend time together. It’s not always about going somewhere.

Don’t feel guilty for dropping the kids off and spending time at home tending to your relationship.

2. Boost his ego

A man likes to feel like a king just as much as a woman wants to feel like a queen. I never knew how much compliments meant to my husband until I started dishing them out. You could just see him blush. We can be a bit sexist at times and think those things only make women feel good.

Try it out.

At a random time in the day compliment your spouse on his appearance or something he did. It’s just the ego boost he needs to feel sexy. After getting married and having our second child, I wasn’t the only one who gained a few pounds.

My husband would make comments about his weight and I could tell it was getting to him. Instead of stating the obvious, I let my husband know how good he looked and reminded him of how talented he is.

Those simple ego boosts, gave him the confidence he needed to start his weight loss journey.

3. Just listen

I have to admit, there are times my husband vents his frustrations to me and I have all the answers for him. This sometimes ends in arguments. He just wanted someone to listen.

Next time your mate airs their frustrations to you, try to just listen. Try not to offer any advice unless it is solicited. You can let them know you are listening by repeating back to them what they said.

For example, “I hear you saying you are frustrated because of…” or “I can understand you are upset because….”. Another tip is to not offer your own experiences or stories, this may cause them to think you are changing the subject to focus on yourself. Be in tune with your mate during conversations by making eye contact, even physical contact such as a hand on their arm.

4. Be intimate

Intimacy is more than what you do behind closed doors. Intimacy can be a simple as a look or a touch. After giving birth with all the sleepless nights and constantly breastfeeding, the last thing I wanted to be was intimate.

Slowly, I began to feel like myself again and those smoldering eyes came back to me.

Some advice given to me from my parents who have been married 25 years is that intimacy plays a big role in your marriage. It doesn’t have to be sex but something that makes your spouse feel wanted and loved.

Some women find receiving gifts or flowers a form of intimacy. If you haven’t already discovered the five love languages, I highly suggest you both figure out each of your love languages.

I can agree that at times it is easier said than done but your love life is a large component of your family life. The kids will benefit more from seeing a happy relationship that is nurtured in love and will be alright with a few moments away from their parents.

What you put in is what you get out so make the most of it.