My journey with post-partum depression - Courtney Fulton

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July 10, 2007 my life changed because my child was born at 5:25pm.

It was supposed to be a joyous day filled with love, oohs and ahhs. I was supposed to nurse my son as my husband and a few family members looked on lovingly. The birth should have been easy, nursing should have been second nature and motherhood, despite a few bumps in the road, would be the one thing I excelled at.

Well, NONE of this happened.

I had a very easy pregnancy, despite the heartburn. My morning sickness wasn’t that bad and didn’t last long, my cravings were not too weird and best of all I slept well all 9 months. When I went to my birthing class I ignored the warning of how common c-sections were because I was going to push my son out without any meds like the champ I thought I was. Well, NONE of that happened either.

My due date was June 25th, I had my son on July 11th and I was exhausted. Even though I slept well, the mental anguish of waiting got to me. I was afraid to leave the house because I was scared my water was going to break like the movies always showed. I became a hermit, only going out when I needed to. Looking back on this now, I think this was the start of my postpartum depression.

My doctor wanted to induce me the week of July 4th, but I wanted my body to determine when it was ready. The following week I went in for a stress test, but because his heart rate dropped, they admitted me and gave me meds to induce me. I was given 2-3 different induction meds but nothing worked, my cervix didn’t even dilate enough for them to break my water. After several hours, I started to get irritated so when my doctor recommended a c -section I agreed because I couldn’t go through any more physically or mentally.

Everything went well during the surgery until I felt my tongue swell and my chest get tight - I didn’t know I was allergic to ansaf and I went into anaphylactic shock. Due to the shock, I was put into another part of the hospital while my son was in the maternity ward. I stayed up all night because I couldn’t sleep and as a side effect of whatever meds they gave me I itched for hours on end. I finally got to see my son at 4:15 the next morning and because he had to come to where I was, I could only see him for 15 minutes.

I tried to nurse, but that didn’t go well. When I was transferred to the maternity ward, I felt a little better because I had unlimited access to my new baby and I was ready to start this journey called mother hood that I just knew I would crush! I was excited to see my son, but he felt like a stranger. I thought it was because we didn’t have that much time together after he was born, but that feeling didn’t go away.

Not only did I not feel like I had a bond with my son, nursing him didn’t happen. I tried everything, but he just wasn’t interested.

I felt like a loser, I didn’t ‘birth’ my son and I couldn’t nurse him the 2 most important things I wanted to do I failed at.

These feelings did not go away and to add insult to injury, my son was coliky and had GERD. Yeah, this was a recipe for mental health disaster. What made things worse, was that I felt alone and no one understood how I felt.

My family was supportive, helped when I needed, watched the baby so I could nap and my husband and I even got a chance to have a date night here and there, but I just couldn’t shake the baby blues. Now I know it wasn’t the blues, but it was postpartum depression.

So after all of what I shared, here's what I have learned about PPD:

1. If you had depression before you gave birth, you’re more prone to have it

after you give birth

2. Talk about how you feel and ask for help from friends, family and your

doctor.

3. Try to get out and don’t stay home. Go to the park or Mommy and Me

classes, but get to know other moms because sometimes socializing helps.

4. Just because your plan to have your child didn’t go the way you wanted it to

go, doesn’t mean you’re less of a mother or that you failed. Things happen and it can be disappointing, but you can get through with the right help

5. You are not alone and there is help available