Navigating High-Functioning Anxiety in Motherhood - Angela Wilson
- Takeia Washington
- Mar 18, 2020
- 4 min read
Meet Angela and she can be find via by these social media handles:
Is it just me, or does it seem like a large majority of our generation is plagued by mental health issues? Or, perhaps, we’re just simply talking about it more. I am a young, Millennial mom with high functioning anxiety. I’ve been an overachiever my whole life, but I never truly knew how to label what was going inside my head until I became a mom and saw how my anxiety affected those around me.
A Day in the Life of a Millennial Mom with HFA
I’ve been working from home full-time since I delivered my now-8-month old son. And while I’m truly grateful for this extremely flexible work-life I have, it’s been pretty difficult getting used to the workload and making time for myself. See, I’m very Type-A. In my career, I’ve strived as the one who makes the lists and the spreadsheets, keeps everyone on the team organized. But, I can’t seem to translate those skills to my own personal responsibilities.
Working from home seems to mean that you never really have time off. I take my big kid to school every morning, then come home to care for the little one. The second baby Liam falls asleep for a nap, it’s time to buckle down and get some work done for the day. A good two-hour burst of productivity always makes me feel good. However, the second work is over, the baby’s waking up again, and it’s time to put back on my Mommy Hat.
I walk away from the computer to do diapers, feeding time, playing, and kissing my perfect little rainbow baby. I love being his mom. But, while he’s awake, I still can’t seem to allow myself to chill. After the baby’s well taken care of and happy, that’s also when I start doing random chores around the house that I've been meaning to do—the dishes, some laundry. Hmm, I haven’t swept the entire downstairs living area in a while!
I sometimes find myself fidgeting when I sit down for a second of idle time. It’s like only five minutes pass before my brain tells me that there’s something else more productive I need to be doing. I have 30 minutes before I have to pick up Kai; that’s just enough time to clean the kitchen...
There were a couple of days that it turned 7:00 pm and I realized I hadn’t stopped to take a bathroom break since I woke up that morning. Some days, I even worked and “Mommied” without fixing myself lunch.
Getting Past the Constant Need to Do Something
While high-functioning anxiety is not really an official diagnosis, it’s a unique aspect of some people’s generalized anxiety disorder. HFA is a strange demon that doesn’t look so terrible to onlookers. It just looks like a person who is doing well in their lives and careers. She couldn’t be struggling, she’s doing great!
However, for those of us who suffer from it, it’s in the back of our minds telling us that we need to do more, be on time, complete projects with ease and perfection, and of course, never let them see you sweat.
I always wondered why I was so adamant about getting all As when I was a kid, whether it was to impress the teachers or just live up to the expectations my friends and family had for me. Now, it’s translated to me making the right amount of money to support my boys and husband, and making sure everyone is well-fed in a clean house. So much so that it’s sometimes hard to rest.
Do your research
If you believe you’re suffering from an anxiety disorder, read up on mental health topics to learn more. You may find that the symptoms you’re experiencing could be an overlap of many different mental health issues that need attention and care.
I know we Millennials love a good Google search, but nothing can replace the value of a real-life relationship with a licensed therapist. After you do some research, try to find a professional to provide you with an official diagnosis so you can start working toward more mindfulness.
Take care of yourself
Self-care and self-love are crucial in your mental health and motherhood journey. I still appreciate the reminder, “You cannot pour from an empty cup.” I had to start allowing myself to be lazy every now and then when I needed a break. No one’s going to hate you if you stop to take a long shower.
I got to the point in my freelance journey where I was working all seven days of the week because assignments kept getting overdue. I was having a hard time balancing writing and being a mom. Then, I finally burned out. I ended up making myself physically sick because I was worried so much about getting things done on time. Again, give yourself a break.
I’ve started to give myself at least Sunday where I will not do any work—instead, I just relax and enjoy a no-obligations day with my family. We all know the common self-care Sunday ritual where you take a bath, deep condition your hair, get your nails done, binge-watch Netflix. But true self-care is looking at yourself and becoming aware of your triggers so that you can actively correct your anxiety when it occurs. Hey, I’m still working on developing a regular meditation practice.
Slow down and breathe
Last, I just had to tell myself to slow down. No, literally, I started noticing when I was rushing around the house or out of breath for some reason. I’d even notice my shoulders creeping up and becoming tense. In those moments, I had to whisper to myself or think silently, “Calm down” or “slow down.” That small reminder helps; it causes me to slow my pace or even stop for a second to take a few deep breaths. Then, I can get back to my busy day a little calmer, if just for a few minutes.
Grow Your Mom Community
You are not alone. For the most success in this crazy Millennial Mom world of ours, it’s best to reach out and talk to someone who’s dealing with similar issues. We can truly rely on each other for support. You may find something that works for one mom could be really beneficial to implement in your life.
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