If you want to learn how to manage girl drama with your tweenage daughter in the home, understanding when it starts and why is the first step in finding your way to connect with your daughter for lasting peace and harmony.
As a mother, you pride yourself on raising your kids better than you have been raised. You want your blossoming girl to cry on your shoulder, lean in with her secrets and spend Friday nights doing facials and dancing to Tik Tok until midnight. These are the things you want to be involved in despite the fact that she might not want to do any of these things with you. She’s a tweenager now.
Hanging out with mom is not cool anymore.
You might be thinking, “When did all of this start? I don’t remember being this bitchy at this age to my parents.”
But alas, you were! You just don’t remember. You might be beginning to wonder when all these changes started, what to expect during these changes and how to embrace it.
So let’s start with basic science on when and why our cute little girls turn into moody confused tweens.
Once your child starts to hit middle school, there’s something about this era that eradicates this melodramatic behavior that seems to drip to everyone your child touches. Everyone your child surrounds herself around carries an attitude. Or so your child interprets. Your once bouncy bubbly elementary daughter has turned into a cranky miserable drama queen who’s best friend is their worst enemy 3 days a week.
Moodiness comes from a change of hormones from a biological perspective. However, they are not HIGHER than any normal adult. It’s the impact of their activity (or lack thereof) that influences their moody behavior. These include busy schedules, lack of sleep, poor eating habits and even love.
What do you do when your tweenager daughter has entered the throws of moody hell that you start to feel disconnected and want to bring that bond back? It doesn’t have to be hard. It just has to be intentional.
CREATE A MOM AND ME JOURNAL
All girls love journaling. Girls are creatures of love, creativity, and inspiration. They hide their feelings close to the vest and find it comforting to put their feelings on paper rather than talk about it with their moms. A way to bond with your tween is to create a journal you both can share. Decorate it together with your favorite colors and brands. Write your entry for the day and leave it in a place where your daughter can find it. Allow her to write whatever she wants to leave for you. It opens up communication without having to talk. Make sure you answer back quickly. For journal idea inspiration, check this out.
DATE NIGHT & SELF-CARE
It’s no secret that females appreciate time to themselves surrounded by the things that make them happy. Just like adult moms who want to escape and pamper themselves to sanity, so does your tweenage daughter. Book a date night together once a month to her favorite restaurant, ice cream shop or take her to her favorite movie. Spend a weekend night eating all the junk food she’s not allowed to eat and make homemade DIY face masks like this one.
DANCE TOGETHER
You don’t have to be stage-ready to put a little show on when it comes to finding ways to bond with your tweenager. Simply just dance together. Your daughter is probably already using TikTok to show off her musical skills so why not do a duet together (if she’s not too embarrassed). Social media not your thing? Sign up for dance class to take together at your local dance studio. You can even create your own dance by choreographing it yourself for some fun.
Regardless of the things you do to bond with your tween, understand that her frustration and exasperation is perfectly normal and has nothing to do with your parenting. Give her space to grow and be there to pick her up when she falls down.
Happy Parenting!
Ann-Marie Tamrowski
Ann-Marie is a mother to a thriving young daughter and married to a backyard farmer living in sunny Buffalo, NY. When she’s not busy working full-time, you can find her writing on her blog Homemade Jays about practical living on purpose and creating a DIY garden. She also is a freelance blog content writer and Pinterest manager for bloggers and online creatives.
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