Unsolicited Self-Care Advice For Mothers
By: Amira Blake
Motherhood. It comes with the good, the bad, and the ugly (and I’m not just talking about your child’s questionable diaper...not going to feed them peas anymore right?).
Whether you are a mother, are in the process of becoming a mother, or are thinking about being a mother. There is one thing that is blindingly clear, everyone feels the need to give you advice. Whether you want it or not. And most of the time it comes from people that are not even parents.
Your “yoga ambassador” neighbor insists that breastfeeding is better than formula and that she does it because she is trying to raise the next Einstein (there’s no evidence that this is true by the way). While your aunt twice removed is telling you not to hold the baby too much or else you will “spoil” them. Well aunt Becky, maybe that’s why your son has questionable psychopathic tendencies.
Did you know that when I was younger, my mom didn’t let me suck on my thumb because she didn’t want to pay for braces in the future?
Now folks, that’s true parenting.
Thinking far into the future to save yourself money. I can’t say if this parenting technique is valid, but I will say that I never did have braces and my teeth are straight.
At the end of the day, mothers will never not receive advice on how to be a great parent.
I know, mothers are always told what not to do and what to do in regard to the baby.
But where is the advice for the mother themselves. I mean, yes the baby is very important.
But so is the goddess who carried them. (you are rocking that baby weight by way).
I don’t know about you, but I feel this insane amount of pressure nowadays to birth a baby, take care of it, go to work, take care of a house (with help of course because it is 2020 already), and still look and act like a boss babe. Honestly, just thinking about it is tiring.
Where is there time to take care of yourself when there is so much to get done?
I mean I’m sorry, but I don’t have a team of make-up and hairdressers making me look presentable.
*cough* Kardashian and other reality tv shows *cough*
So, how is a mother supposed to have it all, do it all, and not get totally drained?
I’ll tell you the secret......
They aren’t.
No one person can do all of that.
Social media is a lie. (Sorry to burst your bubble)
BUT there is something that you can do that will make your life, your family’s life, and everyone else’s life amazing.
Self-Care.
Do you remember when you were a kid?
If you don’t just try and imagine it with me here.
Your mom is running around like a headless chicken trying to find the “perfect” top that went with your pants. Throwing clothes every which way and then uncomfortably shoving your body through varies holes in the shirt because the family was late to some event.
While she was trying to make you look like a baby masterpiece painted by Van Gough, she would be looking like the opposite.
Hair haphazardly thrown in a ponytail and jeans that haven’t been washed in ages.
Is that a mustard stain or throw up on there? Who knows? Is it true you don’t need to wash jeans THAT often?
Though this example may be a tad exaggerated, to a certain extent parents did have their child looking better than them.
This makes sense because we want our little angles (or devils depending on your mood) to look amazing because they are precious.
And yet, now the trend has apparently changed. Which sucks because if our own mothers didn’t practice self-care for themselves, then how are we supposed to know how to do it?
Think about all the advice you’ve been given so far about motherhood, how much of it has been about your own self care?
If a lot then let all the other mothers into your friend circle so they can have an uplifting group of people around them.
From this moment on, you can think of me as being the advice giver for self-care and motherhood.
Warning: Advice on motherhood ahead
1. Take some time to yourself
As a mother, one of the last things you have is time for yourself (makes you realize how precious time is). But, this is why it is even more important to take time to yourself. You can do anything: take a bath, read a book, light some candles and pretend you live alone (ahh the serenity). Anything that relaxes you, do it. If you have a hobby, then work on it. I promise you, knitting is not an “old lady” activity and you can even sell your merch on Etsy and start a side gig (win win!). You taking some time to yourself shows your body and mind that you care about yourself, which in turn makes you feel happier and more energized.
2. Take a break from your child and family as a whole
Sometimes it is great to pretend that you are a single woman with no family. Now, I don’t mean get loaded and sleep with a stranger (those days are gone now....unless you roleplay with your partner or something). There are plenty of things that you can do outside of the house. Hand out with friends, take yourself on a date, go to the movies, attend a play. The list is endless. What matters is that you remind yourself that you are your own person. Though you may be taking care of others, don’t lose yourself in the responsibilities of motherhood. My mother use to ship me away somewhere for the summer. It honestly did wonders for our relationship.
3. Brush your teeth and make your bed
Are you 10 needing to be reminded to take care of yourself? No. But do you still skip doing these things in favor of accomplishing other “more important” tasks? Probably yes. Brushing your teeth and making your bed. These two activities may seem like the most useless or boring tasks in the world. However, they can help you get your day started and gives you a sense of accomplishment. If everything goes completely wrong one day, then at least you can tell yourself “Well, I brushed my teeth and made my bed, so I accomplished two goals today yippee.” That one statement can brighten your outlook on life, trust me it works.
4. See a therapist
I may be biased because I’m a therapist in training. But I firmly believe that everyone should see a therapist. Sometimes mothers suffer from postpartum depression or even anxiety and definitely stress. Seeing a therapist will help you to overcome these obstacles and learn how to cope with life. If you are feeling like you don’t need to see a therapist, then you can do other things on your own. Buy a journal and write your thoughts in it every night (or as often as you can...let’s be honest here) and meditate (you can even get your family to join you). Either way, taking care of your mental state is the most important thing to do as a mother.
End of self-care advice....for now
If there is anything that you should take away from this article. Remember that you are important.
Your thoughts matter, your emotions matter, and you matter above all else.
Don’t let yourself get caught up in the social media scam of every mother having this picture- perfect life.
If you are tired, take a break. If you need to take a second to cry, then do it. If you just want to hug your child until they burst because you love them so much.
Well....don’t do that but you can hug then in a non-life-threatening way.
Take care of yourself. After all, a happy mother is a happy life.
Here’s a quote from my mother:
“This sh*$ aint easy and if it were a man would be doing it.”
You got this!
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